Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I Can't Trace Time

In the weeks since I last posted, my room got completely renovated, with my loft that I've had since middle school being taken down to make way for new shelves and desk space. Because of the extent of these changes the room had to be absolutely cleared out, and I finished putting everything back in a couple days ago. Additionally, my family went on a trip to Disneyland last week, so for today's toy let's pull out a past souvenir and talk about change, shall we?



So to start this is Donald (how shocking). Donald is, as I said, a past souvenir- he was bought at our second trip to Disneyland in 2008. Thing is- he's not actually mine. Well, not originally. My sister had bought him for her souvenir (We'll get to mine on Thursday) and kept him for a while. But sometime in the past year, in a period of major change and renovation for her, she started throwing out a lot of her old toys, the pile of which I ransacked to keep in my room. Donald was one of these 'survivors'. See, I didn't want to lose those toys. Even though they weren't mine, I still had memories and emotions attached to them that I didn't want to let go of. So even though all of those stuffed animals have to date just been stored in a drawer somewhere and only recently been taken out to be displayed on the top shelf in my room (a shelf marked by its inaccessibility, thus reserved for toys that I in all likelihood will never play with), I still didn't want to lose them. And you know what, I probably still would refuse to throw them out.

Yeah. I'm not very good with change.

I mean, as long as I can remember I've always been really resilient to change. I had the same backpack from sixth grade to I think junior year of high school- and I'm still using my sixth grade binder. Whenever I'm buying something like shoes or socks I always go for the same brand I already used- and when it's not there it absolutely flummoxes me. Just the couple of days ago I needed a new pair of earphones and almost didn't buy any because the brand I had wasn't stocked anymore. I mean, I've gotten better lately- this renovation was mostly my idea, and to be honest becoming a Doctor Who  fan really helps one become more content with change and regeneration. But I'm still an awfully stubborn person when it comes to giving up on something old and moving forward to something new.

Part of that I think comes down to how much I tend to attach myself to things emotionally, but I think that's a big enough subject that I'm actually gonna put it off to Thursday (since that'll be a linked post to this one given that the toys in question are linked). But it's also I think that I just really don't like being wrong. And changing in some ways kinda has that implication with it...the old one was old and outdated, here's something new and improved. Something better. I mean, obviously that's not always the case, and usually a change is the search for something different rather than something outright better. But at the same time it almost feels like a weakness to be moving on..and deep down I'm just really afraid of being weak.

I am. I don't like being wrong, and I hate having my motives or values questioned or judged, because I just begin to lose my balance and just feel out of control. And more than anything I want to feel in control- like I know what's going on around me and can easily accommodate myself to a given situation. And in a world that's constantly changing, how is that possible? How can you keep yourself afloat when the water levels keep rising?

I mean, the answer's pretty obvious. You have to change with it. But even with an answer that obvious it still feels unwelcome and at times just scary. Like you're giving up a part of yourself to make way for this new part- and that's not always a good thing. But sometimes, it can be. And I suppose that's the whole point- that you have to just leap and take the chance because sometimes the other side is just absolutely beautiful.

Donald was purchased at Disneyland, which of course has gone through its changes over the years. Heck, my favorite land didn't even exist at the time of opening. And not all of the changes have been good- you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who believed removing Country Bear Jamboree was a smart move, or (to pick a WDW example) that "Tiki Room: Under New Management" was at all a good idea. But you know, New Orleans Square was a pretty good addition. And the Mountain coasters and Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean. Sometimes change can be a pretty great thing...if only for the chance at a new experience that's completely and utterly unlike anything you'd imagined before.

1 comment:

  1. "I am. I don't like being wrong, and I hate having my motives or values questioned or judged, because I just begin to lose my balance and just feel out of control. And more than anything I want to feel in control- like I know what's going on around me and can easily accommodate myself to a given situation. And in a world that's constantly changing, how is that possible? How can you keep yourself afloat when the water levels keep rising?"

    This resonates with me more than anything else you've ever written. I have the same problem, except my strategy has been to always remain indecisive and rarely commit unless I'm 100% sure, which creates its own problems.

    The issue is that there are times when we really do need to let go, and other times where we have to stand and fight for our convictions, and when it comes to things like pop culture or a personal collection - things that matter little in the grand scheme of things except to us - it can be insanely difficult to tell which route is the right way to go. Which brings up the whole "not wanting to be wrong" thing again.

    I am increasingly of a belief that most things in life require a balance, that extremes are rarely useful no matter what side it's on. But that's me.

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